The Anti-New Year Resolution

I'm all for fresh starts.  As a believer in Christ, I know His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23) and that, in Christ, I'm a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).  When I mess up and ask for forgiveness, the slate is clean (I John 1:9).

Over the years, however, I've grown a bit cynical of New Year's Resolutions.  The way I see it, if I'm resolving to do something, then I should just do it.  (Yeah, right...do you read this blog?)  I've also had 30-something years of NOT following through with resolutions, so when I begin thinking of the fresh start brought in with a new year, I decide that I'm going to start anything, it most certainly will not be on January 1.

With that being said, and if you have read any of my previous posts, you know I should be jumping on the New Year's Resolution bandwagon and riding it into the sunset of fitness, health and peace.   So why am I not doing that?

I'm scared.  I'm afraid.  I'm scared of giving up things I love, like comfort-eating and lounging in my warm bed on cold mornings.  I'm afraid of failure; of disappointing myself one more time.  At this point in my life, I've lost and gained back weight (20-40 pounds) about three times.  All three times, I lost weight by reasonably eating less and exercising more.  All three times, I was certain I was keeping it off for good.

So this year, when I find myself at my highest weight ever, I also find my usually-upbeat, optimistic self being very pessimistic.  While I feel like not even trying, I know that if I keep going in my current direction, I'll be qualifying as a contestant on The Biggest Loser by the time I'm 40.  Hmm..maybe I should do that: gain another hundred pounds, go on The Biggest Loser, win The Biggest Loser title, take home the $250,000 prize and become a famous spokesperson and public speaker.

Okay, okay, I know that's not reasonable.  So here's what's swimming around in this doubtful brain of mine:
--I went to boot camp through the end of the year, but getting up that early is killer at this season of my life. With older kids who stay up until 10:00pm and toddlers who wake early, late night is my time to live in a silent house.  My friends and I are all currently on the fence about if we'll go this year or not.

--I was considering the half-marathon training, but a good friend of mine shared wisdom with me that changed my decision.  Together, this friend and I will start working toward a 5K in the early Spring, then a Fall 10K, then look at a half-marathon in 2013.  My friend said she often sets goals based on what she used to could do, which sets her up for disappointment.  I used to run 3-5 miles three times per week.  I could manage a 7 or 8 mile long run and would even be giddy the morning before.  Times have changed.  I don't run consistently, so I'm basically starting over.  I need to treat myself like a new runner.  A new, very slow runner.

--This same friend has challenged me to do a "Reboot" with her.  We start the first phase this week.  Yes, on January 8th, not the 1st!  See what I did there?

A few other resolutions I made this week that have already paid off:
--Fix my hair and put on makeup in the morning.  I'm not much of a makeup and hair girl, so for me, this just means blow-drying my hair so it looks smooth, then putting on some lipstick, eyeliner and blush.  The first day I did this, my husband brought home, with little notice, a co-worker visiting from out of state.  Later in the week, I had just finished applying my eyeliner when a got a phone call from a prospective employer.  It was a videophone call, so being out of my PJs and looking presentable paid off!

--Prioritizing school.  I feel great about how school went this week.  It wasn't perfect and I still need to find more creative ways to motivate the boy, but we accomplished more this week than we have any other week last year.  One way I prioritized was school over a tidy house.  I find myself wanting to clean up every mess the little boys make, but that totally interrupts our school time and distracts the kids.  This week, if I saw a mess, I just told myself, "We have set times during the day to do a quick tidy-up.  We'll take care of that later."

--We completed our first week using Accountable Kids.  The first several days, my older girl and oldest boy didn't seem too motivated to follow the system.  However, when they saw their sister earning tickets, bonus bucks, and stars, they found their motivation!

Here's to us all finding the motivation to accomplish our resolutions in 2012!  If you didn't succeed your first week of 2012, who cares?!  Make the anti-New-Year resolution and just pick up and start now.

On the Fence

I've been met with a challenge: to run a half-marathon in March.  Our boot camp instructor is training a group and guiding weekly long runs beginning in January.  When I asked, one of my girlfriends said she thinks she wants to run it, too.

I've trained for a full marathon.  I've run 13 miles before.  That was six years ago.  I quit after my 13-mile training run because I hated it!  Up until that point, I had loved running.  For some reason, though, that 13-mile run did me in.  I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was running and training alone.  This was before I had a cool iPhone full of hours of audiobooks and podcasts to keep me company.  I listened to music, but could only take so much of that.  Then the iPod shuffle I used died half way through my run, I think.  I just remember being in pain, being bored, and hating it, but also hating myself at the thought of quitting before I completed 13 miles.  When it was over, I felt defeated.  I couldn't imagine running that 13 miles TWICE.  So I quit.  Kind of a theme with me that you'll understand if you've been reading from the beginning.

When I asked my husband, he said, "I'm not stopping you."  I told him I would need his support, which is different than him "not stopping me."  He's on board, but I'm sure he's cautiously optimistic since I've begun training for a few marathons, but never completed training.

Today, I wrote out the 15-week plan.  I'll train with the group for 12 weeks, but I figure why not start now?

It's scary.  Committing to something like this also has the potential to lead to disappoint.  I've set my plan, even added in a 20-pound weight-loss goal.  I know from the past that if I'm not "on track," I get discouraged.  I am much much slower than I was 5 years ago.  I'm carrying more weight.  But, I DO truly enjoy running.  I like the quiet time.  I listen to books, podcasts, and some music, but keep it down low so that I can also focus on breathing.  Often, when I'm listening to a book, half an hour will pass before I realize I've missed an entire chapter because I get lost in my thoughts, talking to God.  Long runs, though, give me a friend to be with.  Even if we don't talk the whole time, there's just something about having someone else encouraging me to keep going.

So, the first deadline before the price raises for race registration is December 15.  Will I commit and register?  Will I actually do it this time?

Thankful for Consistency

It's only been a week and a half, but hey, that's better than the big, fat nothing I've been doing for the past almost year now.

A week ago Monday, I started back to boot camp.  It helps tremendously that four girlfriends are meeting me there.  That really helps me get my butt out of bed on Mondays and Fridays.

Boot camp only meets twice a week, though, and we took off for Thanksgiving week, so that meant it was up to me to get out and do some workouts.

Monday 14: Boot camp
Wednesday 16: 2.5 mile run/walk
Friday: Boot camp
Saturday: Ran/walked 2.5 then 3.11 miles
Tuesday: Ran 2 miles, did some boot camp moves in the middle
Wednesday: Ran/walked with stroller 3.25 miles
Thursday: Rode bike 30 minutes, free weights 15 minutes

I really have no excuse not to get to the gym.  This is my view out my balcony:

See the balcony just above the pool?  That's our very well-stocked, 24-hour gym.  I've only been a handful of times since moving here.

Most people know that fitness is 20% workouts and 80% diet, so I've begun using livestrong.com's My Plate app.  I know from experience that restricting any one type of food does not work for me, so I've just been keeping track of what's going in my mouth.  It helps me decide what's worth it and what is not. Like Beth Moore reminded me in "The LORD God Made Woman,"


Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by it.  I could have that today if I wanted to, but I don't want to.  Come Thanksgiving, I'm going to have some pecan pie, amen? And I'll bless it and thank God for it. {paraphrased}

Another plus to running? Nice views.

So that's what I've done.  And even with two Thanksgiving dinners during my first week, I still took off two pounds. Pounds.  That's another issue.  In the past, I've let that pesky number master me. (See Beth's reminder of scripture above.) I've let the number on the scale master me.  However, it does prove beneficial for me to keep an eye on my weight or I simply end up neglecting it.  So, I'm purposing to only weigh once per week.  And if I'm not happy with the number, I think back on the positives of the past week and decide to not log my weight for that week.  Often, it's a temporary thing, as my weight can fluctuate 2-4 pounds depending on the time of day, month, or what I might have eaten the day before.

I also used to allow the scale to dictate my moods and alter my decisions.  This time, I'm going to keep doing what I know is good for my health regardless of what the number shows that day.  I'm also asking God to keep me grounded on His Word and who He says I am.  I was thinking back to when I was at my smallest and fittest.  One lady who worked in the nursery at church asked me how I got my stomach so flat.  I was astounded, because I still felt like I was fat.  I told her she didn't see my belly without clothes on and scoffed at her compliment.  Within that same time, another very tall, very thin "friend" of mine told me I was doing well and I was "getting there" with my weight loss.  I was hurt, but also chose to believe her.  I told myself, "See...you ARE still fat.  Even she notices."

This time around, I"m purposing to focus on who God says I am.  I find my worth and definition in Him.

I Corinthians 6:1
"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.

Start Over

A couple of months ago, I finally purchased some new music for my iPhone.  One of those was The Afters "Light Up The Sky."

In addition to being a rockin' song that's fun to run with, the lyrics to "We Won't Back Down" carry great mantras.  Here's an excerpt from the lyrics:

We won't back down
We've gotta take our best shot
Give it all we got now
We won't back down
They say we'll never make it
But we're gonna take it all the way

We won't give up, we won't give up
We won't give up, we won't give up


Another inspiring track on the same album is "Start Over."  This song is especially meaningful to me as I "start over" with my workouts. I often don't want to get out to run, go to boot camp, or hit the gym because I feel like I've lost too much ground.  I know that's a lame excuse and this song pumps me up to get out and just DO it! I pasted the entire song here because it's all just good!  It has a great beat for running, too.


The impossible is possible
But your fear is so responsible for keeping you down.
Your unreachable is reachable
But you'll never grab
The wonderful
with your feet on the ground.

If you fall on your face
Don't just leave it to fate
No such thing as too late
It's not too late

To start over, start over, start over
You never have what you want to lose
So pick it up, up, up
Dust off your shoes
Start over, start over, start over
You've gotta find, find, find the other side,
So give it one, one, one more try.
Start over

You only fail
If you never try
You'll never live
Tryin' not to die.
I'm telling you now, I'm telling you now.
Don't ever stop,
Give all you've got
Don't hesitate, to take a shot
It all comes around, it all comes around.

There's so much, so much left to gain
There's so much, so much to lose
You'll never know until know until you make a move.

Walking In Light

I posted this on my other blog, but it fits here, too.  I've gotten more response from this post (via email, Facebook and comments) than I have from just about any other.

Giving Myself the Boot

Last year, I religiously went to an early morning boot camp class that met at a nearby church.  At first, it was tough to get up at 5:00am to get there by 5:30, but soon it became something I needed to do in order to feel "right."  This was also during the time that I lost 20 pounds.  I was moving more and eating less, the only true, lasting way to get in shape.

After moving to our new place, I used the excuse that we lived too far for me to drive up.  I was about 6 minutes away.  Now I'm 15.  9 whole minutes more.

Rightly, I didn't want to be leaving the house after the boys arrived.  I wanted to be sure I was here when they woke so that I could establish a healthy trust with them.

At this point, the boys aren't a valid excuse any more.  And in good conscience, I can't let 9 minutes stop me from doing what I know would be great for me.  The truth about me is that I need accountability.  I need others who will ask me where I was if I didn't show up.  I need the encouragement.

This means I have two more mornings to sleep in until Monday hits.  Monday, I'll be up during the 4 o'clock hour getting ready to head up to Flo Mo for a workout that will leave me sore for the rest of the week.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Keep It To Yourself

This is the blog I don't want to announce on my facebook page or twitter account.  My other blog is fun.  I get to talk about my kids, my passion related to the Deaf Community, educating Deaf kids, or adoption.  That blog is full of fun life stories, some rants, and pictures of my family.

This blog, though, feels ugly to me.  I'm blogging about my struggle, my sin, my idol, all before I have it all figured out.  I don't have my act together.  I'm still in the middle of it.  I'm not following through.  (Notice the number of days that pass between posts.) I'm doing a lot of thinking and no doing.

For years, I've wanted to write this blog, and even started it two years ago, then dropped it because I felt like I should wait until I was completely successful, then I could have something to say about my struggle.

My struggle with my body image, exercising and food are all symptoms of two main sins: laziness and idolatry.  These two sins also rear their ugly head through my homeschooling and the management of my home.  I have all these great ideas, plans, charts, and schedules, whether it be for working out, running a particular race, diet plan, school schedule, or chore list.

I'm currently reading Children Who Do Too Little by Patricia Sprinkle.  In it, she describes several parenting characteristics that serve as road blocks to our ability to teach our kids to do chores.  Two of the characteristics screamed, "This is YOU, Sarah!"  One, especially struck me: The Abdicator.

Here's an excerpt:
"The Abdicator has thrown in the towel. 'I'm a failure as a parent.  I don't do anything consistently, and I'm probably not doing much well.'"
Patricia then compares this to Paul's confession in The Bible in his letter to the Romans (chapter 7).  Paul says, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."
Patricia adds, "And so, knowing that they make chore charts but don't help the family live up to them, that they make resolutions to be firm and loving but then get lax or angry, an Abdicator decides, 'I'll never be able to teach my children to do housework or anything else.  Why try?'"

Oh, that is SO me!  That has been me over the past number of months regarding homeschooling, chores, and general house management.  It has been me over the past year (and off and on over the past many years) regarding diet and exercise.  I could replace Patricia's words related to parenting with words related to lifestyle:
And so, knowing that I make food plans and workout charts but don't live up to them, that I make resolutions to be consistant in my diet and to get up early to run, I decide that I'll never be able to do this, so why try?

Why try?  That's my next post.