21-Day Fix Days 6-8

Day 6

Snack that ended up being lunch, I couldn't
eat it all. (Guacamole, tortilla chips, leftover
cucumber/watermelon salad.

The Food

My usual coffee shake was perfect for breakfast.  At church, it was tough to not drink my usual sweet iced coffee they provide during summer!
We joined friends for lunch at Jason's Deli where I got the salad bar and stocked up on veggies and protein.  Jason's Deli is a good place to eat clean.

 The Workout
Yoga Fix! I love yoga and have missed practicing, so today was a treat.

Day 7

The Food

Breakfast food, since I was out of my shake.

With Independence Day holidays, we vegged around the house all morning, then went to a friends' house for dinner. They made fantastic fajitas, to sticking to the Fix food was easy! We had lots of fresh fruit and veggies, homemade guacamole, steak, chicken, sausage, rice, beans and tortillas.
I passed on sodas, but no other sugary or processed food was even around, so it was easy and enjoyable to eat well.

The Workout

I missed it!  No good reason other than I didn't do it early in the morning. By the time we went to our friends' for dinner, then picked up the boys from camp and went back to pick up the older kids, I was too sleepy to attempt a serious workout.  Lesson learned: workout early!!!

Day 8

The Food
No shake again this morning, so I made eggs and zucchini.  Shakes are certainly my breakfast of choice.  Most mornings, I'm not in the mood to eat food.  The coffee shakes fill my coffee craving and give me the nutrition I need in a breakfast.
Before lunch, I hit HEB and got a few single-packs of protein powder.  I had one after my workout, which was perfect.
Today is my husband's birthday!  I made him his favorite ice cream cake and opted for a bowl of berries for myself.

The Workout
I was dreading this one!  Today was Cardio Fix, which made me nauseated when I did it last week.  This time, I ate several hours before the workout, then saved the shake for after the workout.  It still kicked my butt and I had to stop and catch my breath a few times, however, I never felt nauseated.  One of these days, I'll get all the way through it without having to stop!

21-Day Fix Day 5

Day 5

The Food

Another big win from emeals clean eating menu!

Tomato, Cucumber, and Watermelon Salad

2 C watermelon
2 large tomatoes
1 large cucumber
1/3 C red onion, thinly sliced
1 T white wine vinegar (I just used white cooking wine)
1 t honey (not on the 21-Day Fix list, but it's one teaspoon for a huge bowl that would serve at least 10 people. The photo above is the serving bowl after about 3 servings were gone. It makes a big salad!)
2 T olive oil
1/3 C feta cheese

I kept the feta on the side (you could do the same with the oil) so I could measure it before adding to mine.  Again, that tiny blue container was actually much more than I needed or wanted on a scoop of this amazing summer salad.  It is SO good, ya'll!

It's become clear over the past few days that I'm okay not eating sugar when I've determined to be off sugar for a certain amount of time.  This time around, I'm thinking in rest-of-my-life terms, so will have to come to some type of understanding with myself.  Allow sugar one time per week?  Once a month?  Quit altogether?  This much is true: once I start the sugar train, I can't get off.  It's truly an addiction. It messes with my brain and body in very real ways and presents very real health risks if I continue my current rate of weight gain and inactivity.  The answer isn't clear yet, but it's the mind part of this "fix."  Maybe I should make "The Mind" the third category and "The Spirit" the forth.

The Workout

The hubs and me at Townlake Y.
Sorry, Snapchat takes mirrored pics.

Ken and I dropped the boys off at summer camp, then headed up the road to the beautiful Townlake YMCA.  He headed for the sauna and hot tub while I headed for the weight room.   I was unable to find a nifty, low-profile place to set up my computer and the Y was busy, so decided to do my own workout.  I don't recommend skipping an actual video, but you have to improvise sometimes.

I did two rounds of upper body exercises (bench press, lat pull down two ways, tricep kick backs, shoulder press, upright row, bicep curl, lower back extensions), then spent 10 minutes stretching on one of those stretching machine thingies.  I love those.  My last 10 minutes was spent on my favorite cardio machine.

Tomorrow, I'll be back to the DVDs with Yoga Fix!

21-Day Fix Day 4

Day 4

The Workout

I opted for the Pilates Fix today.  Since no equipment was needed, I did the workout from home.  I recorded half of the workout in time-lapse and thought about sharing it here, but NO WAY!  It's so embarrassing!  Maybe one of these days.  But no.  Really.  No.  But here's a tiny screen shot.

Pilates Fix

When I hit the halfway mark of the workout, Mater (my Jack Russell Terrier) was sitting in front of my face, shaking.  I think he was worried I might die.  I didn't. I lived. I mean, I'm here typing this, so...

But my butt, hips, and core burned!  I mean they were on FIRE! Probably messed up, but I like it. And hate it.  It just feels good to be doing something to get my fitness back!


The Food

I drank my usual coffee shake for breakfast.  I'm almost out of the mix, so it's time to create my own shake!  I had leftover dinner for lunch, then this beautiful meal below for dinner.  I cooked the clean eating e-meals recipe for my family and it worked for me, too!
I couldn't eat it all.  Those containers look so freaking small, but once portion stuff out, it's a lot.  It really helps me see I was visualizing portion sizes incorrectly.  This is 1.5 yellow (carbs), 1.2 green (veggies, the broccoli and mushrooms), and one red (protein).  A teaspoon of olive oil with the potatoes. I ate all of the broccoli, but couldn't eat all of the meat and potatoes.  I had just enough leftovers to save for tomorrow's lunch.

I notice this plan involves clean eating, which has proven to be effective for me.  Adding in the workout portion has been critical.  I could feel my fitness slipping over the past 3 years and know as I move through my 40s, it will only be more difficult to start and maintain.  It feels good to start now.

I'll be meeting with my coach some time this week and can't wait to share that with you all!

21-Day Fix Day 3

Day 3

The Food

Garden-picked veggies and turkey with some salsa.

Had a shake again for breakfast.  Chike Mocha High Protein Coffee is good with a frozen banana mixed in and it helps remove my need to drink my usual sweetened hot coffee in the morning. This weekend, I plan to experiment with making my own "superfood" smoothie.

I had a lunch meeting at Galaxy Cafe, so checked the menu before going and ordered the grilled salmon salad.  For dinner, the family ate burgers and I cooked some turkey and fresh veggies from our next door neighbor's garden!  Again, I wasn't able to eat enough food to fill every container.

At around 10pm, I started craving sugar. I just drank some water because I really wasn't hungry.  Now it's 11pm and I'm so sleepy, I don't care about the sugar craving any more.




The Workout

My legs are sore!  The act of sitting down is, well, something.  My butt is sore!  So I was thrilled to do Upper Fix today.  Again, I set up at YMCA (DVD sound off, closed captions on, earbuds in for my own separate soundtrack), and did the 30 minutes.  It didn't kill me like the Cardio Fix and Dirty 30, but I couldn't do several of the exercises for the full 60 seconds without breaking: plank, push ups, and one of the ab exercises.  Now I have a goal to work toward. 5 hours after the workout, I was feeling it in my obliques.  Good to know they are still in there somewhere.

21-Day Fix Day 2

Day 2

The Food:

I started my day with another protein shake. I'm not drinking Shakeology right now, because $$$$!! I do not enjoy the taste of stevia, so it feels counterintuitive to pay $4+ per shake for something I don't like that much.  I've been reading up on making my own shakes with quality protein powder, super greens, frozen fruits, etc.  I'll keep working on my own blends and sampling other brands and let you know what I come up with.  I love protein shakes and smoothies, so this is fun for me!  I truly wish I liked Shakeology, but unless the recipe has changed vastly over the past 3 years, I can't stand the taste. 

I made a 21-Day Fix crepe since my kids asked me to make their favorite "Joy of Cooking" crepe for brunch. 

Crepe: 1 red, 2 yellow (cashew milk and flour), 2 oils, 1 purple if you add fruit!

• 2 eggs
• 1/3 cup of original cashew milk
• 2 tsp coconut oil, blended with a few tablespoons of hot water to keep the oil in liquid form
• 1/4 cup unbleached flour (or GF flour substitute)
• Top with any 21-Day Fix approved food. Berries are my favorite choice, but you could use nut butters, cacao nibs, cheeses, etc. 

For lunch, my younger daughter and I shared a simple salad with grilled chicken. For dinner, we met friend out at my favorite Thai place, Sap's. Their Tom Kha soup is ahhhmazing and a clean meal. I ate a portion that would fit in my plan and it was perfect.  We have lots of leftovers.  This is the second day when 2 blue portions made sense for me (the coconut milk used in the soup), so I feel good about it.

I'm lacking vegetables, though. Even with the salad I ate today, I had 2 greens at best.  I should be eating 4-5.  Time to work in zoodles!

I miss my slightly sweetened coffee, but I'll find my coffee perfection at some point.

The Workout:

One thing is clear. I'm out of shape. For someone who has historically been athletic, I'm SO out of it right now. The upside is that I'll see a lot of fitness progress over the next 21 days!

I got up this morning and decided to hit the cardio workout first thing.  I like Autumn's style of leading the workout and got off to a great start.  Then 15 minutes in, which is the half-way point, I started feeling nauseated!! I literally couldn't continue.  I had to stop and put my head down between my knees.  One mistake I made was to drink a smoothie right before starting the workout.  Won't be doing that again.  The other factor is just that I've not been physically active lately, let alone challenging myself.  So, it. kicked. my. butt!  

I let a bit of time pass, did some prepping of my house for the house cleaner to come (yes, I do that), threw a little pity party for myself, then later in the afternoon, carted my Macbook with me to the YMCA and did my workout there.  I'm not opting to purchase weights at the moment, but the YMCA has everything I need and more.  

My set-up. Behind me are more weights, yoga balls, mats,
balance platforms, and more.

Once I arrived and turned on the DVD, I realized the workout I'm "supposed" to do today (Upper Fix) wasn't on the DVD I had with me, so I opted for "Dirty 30."  It swiftly kicked my butt, but I did get through 25 minutes before wanting to die, and I stuck through the final 5 minutes.  One particular exercise, side-plank leg-raises, makes my hip cramp up SO badly that I can't even do it. What's up with that?!

When I headed downstairs after my workout, my legs almost buckled under me!  Noodle legs instantly!

Overall, I feel great. It's 9pm and my lower body and shoulders are already feeling "noodle-y." I actually love that feeling, so bring it on!

21-Day Fix Day 1

Day 1

The Food:

It's obvious I work well under a strict plan of eating. I'm in place where I just need someone to tell me what to eat for now.  This won't be forever, but it's exactly right for me now.

When I saw the tiny portion containers that Annmarie gave me for the 21-Day Fix, my thought was this is going to suck.   It didn't!  In fact, I didn't even meet the max portions for everything.

Major news!! I drank coffee without sugar and survived!

Using Pages, I created this checklist. I'll share the .jpg file.  Feel free to use it.

The last block in red, green and yellow are greyed out because I borderline between two categories, so I'm allowed a max, but it won't hurt if I'm under that max on those categories.  After day one, I realized I need to up my veggies (of course) and even protein (which should be easy).  One contention and possible change I will make is the blue container. The program stipulates I have one per day, but I think I'll allow myself 2.  Since I will not be eating 3-4 yellows most days, I do want the ability to increase the "good fats" that are the blue container.  I'd even rather increase the blue in exchange for the oils. I love avocado, hummus, coconut milk, and nuts...so limiting to one very small serving (1/4 avocado for example) isn't fun!  I know it's ideal to follow the program strictly, but I think this is a good adjustment for me.  I'll ask my coach if she agrees! :)

The Workout:

I made the mistake of not working out in the early morning, so didn't do the workout today. Since it's cardio, I'll pair up two workouts on Day 2. 

21-Day Fix

"Fix"
I'm not totally fond of that term in the way Beachbody intends it. Like somehow if I shed some pounds I'll be "fixed."  But at the same time, it fits my situation.

If you click back through this blog, covering a span of years, you'll see clearly there is an issue with my body/spirit connection that needs to be fixed.  My last post was over a year ago. I was in a great place and cautiously optimistic.  The caution came from years of stops and starts, weight loss and weight gain, caring and not  caring.

Well, here I am 13 months after my last post, having lost 23 pounds before fall 2015, then gaining almost every single pound back since.  That is my pattern.

I recently listened to one of my favorite podcasts, This American Life.  "Tell Me I'm Fat" was an excellent episode. I highly recommend reading or listening (transcript available through the link). Writer Lindy West shared her story of "fat acceptance."  She actually began "coming out" as fat.  Even though her friends and family could see her, it was like a dirty secret no one talked about, so she started coming out: stating factually to those around her that, "I'm fat. And I'm okay with that. I like who I am and I like my size."  She challenges people to alter their standard of beauty.  Explore why you define beauty the way you do.  Who influences your thoughts and why?

Her boss, on the other hand, adamantly argued with her that "fat acceptance" is foolish due to the health risks.  He deemed fat rolls as "unsightly" and publicly shamed fat people in his articles.

Another woman, Roxane Gay, hasn't yet come to a place of loving her body. She talks about how she differentiates "Lane Bryant fat" with "can't buy conventional clothes or sit in conventional chairs" fat. Roxane is also a woman of color and discusses that angle of how people perceive her.

Listening to the podcast made me realize I'm certainly not okay with being fat.  I'm not like Lindy, who truly came to a place where she sees herself and other fat people as perfectly fine just the way they are.  I'll be honest and say that I try to not judge other people, but I do. I literally size people up. And it has everything to do with me and nothing to do with them. It's my own mess in my head and that is what needs to be fixed. So I wonder, is my perception because of society's definition and push of an ideal beauty?  Is it because I personally don't feel "right" when I'm overweight?  Is it because I don't believe our human bodies were designed by God to carry so much extra weight?

I do not, and have not for many many years, feel that I, nor anyone else,  should meet the ideals pushed on us by media and even government standards of "health."  Those BMI calculators have always been a joke. Even when I've been at my lowest weight and peak physical performance, I'm still considered to be at the top range of "normal weight."  If I'm 5'4" and 146 pounds, which would be a very healthy, good place for me (even 155 would be a good weight for my body), I would be considered overweight.

So, it's clear that the "fix" is more for my brain than anything.  Reading my last blog, I was doing well and not seeing a regression in sight. But by November, I was rapidly increasing my sugar and wheat intake and the weight gain followed instantly.

It's tempting to go back and delete this entire blog. It's embarrassing to read my confident statements, my expressed resolve, then admit I am where I am now.

But I'm keeping it there.  The truth is the truth.  I'm starting the 21-Day Fix today, then meeting with a friend who happens to also be a personal trainer, Beachbody coach, and life coach.

Added to this physical journey is a spiritual aspect I'll share later.

Let me admit freely. I'm not really looking forward to this.

Coming up: Daily Report
How to Do 21-Day Fix on a Budget

Thorns and Switches

It's been six and a half weeks since I embarked on the new way of eating.  Something is different this time around.  A switch has been turned off.  It's no small thing, either.  This is something I've prayed about for years and years.  I can't count the times I've begged God to "take this thorn from my side."  He didn't, for whatever reason.  My "thorn" was overeating, dieting, losing and gaining weight, and constantly thinking about and being dissatisfied with my weight.

This time, it's different.  For the first time since...I don't know when...ever?  I don't eat when I'm not hungry, because I don't want to.  When I'm full, I stop eating.  For many of you, this may have been your norm for your entire life, but it hasn't been for mine.  I vividly remember in my late elementary days, going to a friend's house and seeing a huge chocolate bar in her closet.  She pulled it out, took one bite, then put it back up in the closet.  She had been eating chunks off it for weeks and weeks.  I was shocked that anyone could keep candy in their own room and not eat it all instantly.  It was a complete foreign concept to me.

As an adult, I've certainly had a sugar addiction.  While I could keep a certain sugary treat around for a few days, it was only because I was eating other sugary stuff multiple times daily.  That seemed to falsely tell my body I was still hungry, because I was always eating something.  I don't think I went more than a couple of hours without putting something in my mouth.  I felt constantly over-full.  Like I've said before, I never binge-ate any one thing, but would "graze" all day with either food or drinks, the calories adding up and up and up while my weight followed.  My mind was constantly consumed (pun intended) with either food, weight, how full I felt, or how disgusted I was with myself.  Yet I kept shoving stuff down my throat.

Over the past six weeks, there's been a shift.  I eat when I'm hungry.  Often, I get hungry (my stomach actually growling/cramping to tell me I need to eat) and let the hunger pass because I'm not where I can eat something good for me.  The hunger passes, then returns and I eat when I can.  I don't die.  I don't pass out.  I don't binge once I get access to the healthy food.  I feel so hungry sometimes, I think I'll eat a lot, but then I eat a small amount of food and find myself full.   So I stop.  Typing it out, it seems like "of course.. this is how it should be."  But it hasn't been like this for me; even when I've lost weight before, I spent a lot of my time meal-planning, looking at recipes, thinking about different foods to try.  That's not happening now.  I keep healthy choices on hand, plan my family's meals for the week, and eat when I'm hungry, which seems to happen 2-4 times a day, depending on my activity that day and what I'm eating.

By the way, I've had a 3-pack of Trader Joe's dark chocolate with almonds in my closet for a week now.  Every 2 or 3 days, I'll eat a square.  I've not even made it through one bar yet.  I forget it's there.  When I see it, I don't always want it.  This is an amazing breakthrough for me.

I've thanked God for taking the thorn from my side, but I also feel cautious in doing so.  I feel like I'm being cocky; like when God hears me, he'll pull the rug out from under me.  I KNOW that's not how God works, but that's what runs through my messed-up mind.

I'm down about 15 pounds.  Weight loss seems to come in waves.  I'll lose a couple-to-3 pounds in one week, then not lose anything the next week.  I weigh every day, but still don't let the flatlines or small weight gains discourage me.  Weighing every day helps me remember my goals and keeps me on track.  For the first time, I don't hate the scale.  I am who I am and am okay with myself, no matter what the numbers read.

I have not been working out during these six weeks, but this week, I started back to heated Vinyasa yoga at my gym.  I forgot how much I love it!  It felt SO good on Wednesday night, then I was sore everywhere on Thursday.  Friday, I did a restorative yoga class, then was back to Vinyasa this morning.  As for now, I adore going.  I'm not going to push myself to run or do any activity I dread.  Today, our family went hiking, which is another activity I love and have plenty of opportunity to do in this town!

30 Days of the Whole(ish)30

Tomorrow marks 30 days without grains or sugar.  I refer to what I'm doing as the Whole30, although I'm doing an altered version of the strict 30-day plan.  One-and-a-half years ago, I did the strict Whole30 and had success, but didn't see myself keeping up that pace for the rest of my life.  After putting on even more weight during 2014, then reading so much about food and how it effects mental wellness, I decided something had to give.

Since I didn't follow the Whole30 Program Rules to the letter, what did I do?  Below, in bold, are the program rules along with my own comments explaining what I have been doing over the past 30 days and how I plan to live from here on out.

Yes: Eat real food.
--> I did this.

No: Avoid for 30 days.

• Do not consume added sugar of any kind, real or artificial.
  --> I used CoffeeMate Naturals in my coffee every morning. I also made just a couple of recipes, such as orange chicken stir-fry, with a little bit of coconut nectar.  I won't hesitate to use maple syrup on my paleo crepes or protein pancakes.
• Do not consume alcohol in any form, not even for cooking.
  --> I didn't consume alcohol. To me, it's not worth the calories/weight gain.
• Do not eat grains.
  --> I followed this to the letter, except for two special occasions. (see below)
• Do not eat legumes.
  --> I followed this until day 29, when I made my corn and bean salad. As long as legumes don't upset my stomach, I'll occasionally include them in my diet.
• Do not eat dairy.
  --> I used the CoffeeMate Naturals every morning and also had yogurt one day. 
• Do not consume carrageenan, MSG or sulfites.
  --> This is pretty easy when you're not eating processed foods.
• Do not try to re-create baked goods, junk foods, or treats* with “approved” ingredients. 
  --> While I didn't re-create baked goods, I did enjoy some "junk foods" with whole ingredients.  See some of my favorites here.  I made sweet potato french fries a few times and snacked on some potato chips (only ones made with only potatoes, oil and salt) on a few occasions.  These convenience foods were very handy when we were on our road trip and while we went camping last week.  While the family enjoys s'mores, it's a lot more fun to be enjoying Go Raw's Super Chocolate Cookies than to have nothing. I also attended a wedding for the first time in years. While there, I enjoyed a very small piece of wedding cake. Eating is social and fun; this is where I've been able to come to a place of balance over the past 30 days.  I much more enjoyed the people, conversations and celebrations than I did the food that happened to be in front of me.

One last and final rule: You are not allowed to step on the scale or take any body measurements for the duration of the program.
-->I did weigh myself, almost every day.  I've found that I don't weigh when I know I'm gaining weight.  Because of the balance I'm finding, I'm able to weigh and not feel like giving up when the numbers don't move.

If you read from the beginning of this blog, you'll see that I've struggled with weight and body issues for 85% of my life.  During my adult life, my weight has ranged from 130 to 215.  Even at my lowest weight, I wasn't satisfied with my body.  I certainly wasn't happy with my priorities during that time.  Looking back on old photos, I can see now that I looked nice, but just always felt like a blob.  This time around, I'm trying to focus on being content and even happy with myself at each turn. I remind myself that my friends have always liked me and been there for me regardless of what the scale says. I'm the only one hating myself for my weight.  The weight needs to come off for my well-being, not for my ego.  Do I feel good about myself when the weight comes off? Yes!  Will I enjoy being thinner?  Yes.  This time around, I'm just not making that the focus.  If you're curious about the numbers, I've lost 12 pounds over the past month. Eight pounds came off during the first 10 days, then 4 more pounds dropped over the next 20.

As with the first time I did the Whole30, I noticed that I haven't obsessed over food. I haven't craved food nor have I over-eaten.  There is certainly something in processed food that makes me want to keep eating it despite being full.  It also seems that sugar fuels my craving for more sugar.  For the past 30 days, food has been fuel and not an addiction.  That is why, on the camping trip, I ate a bite of s'mores and then stopped because I truly didn't want to eat more. In addition, I had no guilt over eating it.  I'm praying this new way my brain works will continue.

Eating like this can be time-consuming.  It can also cost more.  An apple costs more than a box of mac and cheese.  I can buy 2-3 12-oz. bags of Doritos for the price I pay for one 4 oz. Go Raw snack.  An 8-pack of nitrate-free, organic, all-beef hot dogs costs 4 times what "regular" hot dogs cost.  A dozen organic eggs cost about $1.50 more than non-organic.  One pound of organic grass-fed beef costs at least $2.50 more than the usual ground beef.  When you have a family of 7, all of whom enjoy snacking, that adds up to more money and more time in the kitchen.  There are times I feel like I'm constantly chopping, preparing, and cleaning up food.  (A mandolin is my next kitchen purchase!)  While my grocery bill is higher, we have saved no less than $30 per week not eating out or buying sodas and sweet tea, so it all comes out in the wash.

The kids are eating very little sugar and only some grains.  My child who has been struggling with depression has not adopted the Whole30 program yet, but is doing well in that she's reducing sugar and grains.  This kid is totally blowing me out of the water at the gym.  She sometimes goes twice a day to work out or swim, then spends some time in the steam room, hot tub and shower.  Lifetime Fitness has been a great coping technique for this child. I'm proud of her.

To further update you about her, she's currently off all psych/mood medications. As her psychiatrist stated, she'd like to get to know my child "without the muddy waters."  The combination of getting off her meds plus quitting all the grains and sugar "cold turkey" was overwhelming.  My child felt she didn't have any control over her own body and choices.  Therefore, she's making changes on her own timeline.   Even with the positive changes she's making, her weight continues to go up.  We are in the process of getting a referral to an endocrinologist to see if her thyroid is wreaking havoc on her body.  That poor girl!  Her body suffers so much.  Her mind is still giving her a lot of trouble, too, but she's been coping.  I'm ready for her body and mind to give her a break and support the amazing person she is instead of weighing her down and holding her back.  As always, your prayers are coveted!

In my next post, I'll share a bit about how I'm feeling different since adopting this way of eating.

10 Days, 8 Pounds

During the second week of April, we started reducing sugar from our family diet. We added more fresh veggies and fruits and reduced the wheat. After getting back in town from the parenting conference, we headed to the store for our serious shopping.  On the 13th, the kids and I started following the Whole9-type plan, eating fresh produce, grass-fed, organic meats, some nuts and seeds.  We did not eat dairy, sugar, or grains of any kind.  Two of the kids stuck to the strict plan for an entire week.  After that initial week, they added in some dairy and grains. This week, we celebrated one of the Brownies' birthdays, so that was their chance to have sugar again.  My child who has been struggling had a rough time eliminating everything all at once.  We decided that for her especially, we should eliminate one food-type at a time while reducing addictive food like sugar slowly.  I'll be interested to see how she does as we remove certain things.  She's completely ready to eliminate one thing at a time. She's also been working out and swimming every day, which we hope will improve her overall well-being.

As for me, I've been following basically the Whole30 plan at about 95%.  I am not eating grains at all. I put 2-3 tablespoons of CoffeeMate Natural Bliss in my coffee every morning, but have otherwise eliminated sugar and dairy.  Like last time I followed the Whole30 way of eating, I notice that my craving for food stops when I eat this way.  I don't think about food or what I'll eat.  I just go about my day, then suddenly realize I'm hungry.  I have not counted one calorie or fat gram.  I've lost 8 pounds in the past 10 days.   That pace will slow, but it's nice for now.

Another way I am not adhering strictly to the Whole30 is that I do have sex with my pants on. Before you gasp, that's the Whole30's way of describing Paleo copies of junk food.   Chocolate. I can't live without chocolate.  The darker, the better.  Here are some of my favorite discoveries.  All of these have no grains, no sugar, and no dairy, yet they are delicious!

Cacao and coconut. Can't go wrong.

Thanks, go raw, for making
yummy treats!

Lovely find for when I'd like a sweet, crunchy snack.

As for meals, it's eggs for breakfast, along with either tomato or fruit, then turkey with fresh veggies and fruits for lunch.  For dinner, it's pork chops or steak or chicken, along with grilled squash or cabbage or sweet potato and a salad.  I like to add in some bacon or nuts to any one of these meals on occasion.  About 85% of the meat I'm buying is organic. The grass-fed beef is just too pricey for me to justify, so I buy organic, hormone-free, and nitrate-free meats and eggs.  75% of our produce is organic. What I buy organic depends on a system I'll explain in a later blog.

Turkey, avocado, strawberries!

Guacamole keeps me happy! H-E-B
guac on Costco's organic ground beef.

Can you tell I like avocados?

Over the next few weeks, I will begin adding some legumes, rice, and Greek yogurt.  Oh, and we made tasted a new discovery! We are using grass-fed Kerrygold butter.  Oh. My. Word! If you haven't, buy it! H-E-B now sells it for a decent price and it's worth every penny. I can feel how eating "good" fats like nuts, seeds, coconut, avocado, and even a little butter helps me not feel deprived. When I do eat those things, I don't end up overeating like I would if I were eating processed grains and sugars.

The kids and I had gotten in the bad habit of buying either soda or sweet tea a couple of times per week at least.  To replace the soda, we buy 100% juice and mix it with mineral water. Everyone likes it, even the boys!  Because the fruit juices are so high in sugar, we still limit these drinks to a couple of times per week.  We've figured out that water isn't really as bad as we thought.

Secret Discovered! - Food and Mental Health

Oh. My. Word!

The Interwebs. I love them. And I hate them.  We can find any bit of information at the simple stroke of a keyboard (and the website better load in less than a half-second, dangit!).  We can also find a load of crap at the same simple stroke of a keyboard.

Just as soon as I read something about how we should cut out this food or that food, use this sweetener instead of that sweetener, cut this fat and add that fat, I'll come across an opposing article that tells me why the first one I read is all wrong. 

Forks Over Knives and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead both sing the praises of a meatless diet that includes grains.  On the other hand, the whole Paleo movement (Wheatbelly and Whole30) will tell you that meat is necessary; that it's in our DNA to eat meat, and that it's modern wheat that is making us sick.  Other sources say it's dairy that causes so much mucus and inflammation.  Or maybe it's what combinations we eat, such as the Trim Healthy Mama suggests.   Everyone agrees white sugar is evil, right?  So we sweeten our food with Stevia?  No?  That's bad, too?  Honey?  Yes!  No?  Wait....

As a layperson, it makes me tired! Each method seems to have a mix of anecdotal and statistical evidence to back the claims, so what gives?

What gives is that we are all different.  That's the secret! Just as we metabolize food differently, we react to food differently.  What does this mean for my teen?  I have a few solid ideas for our family for now:

Avoid:

white sugar

high fructose corn syrup

synthetic or highly processed sweeteners (including Stevia, thank God, because I think that stuff is nasty)

highly processed foods

fake foods

meat and dairy with hormones, antibiotics, or nitrates

Eat:

fresh fruits and vegetables

most nuts and seeds

grass-fed beef

organic chicken and other fowl

wild-caught fish

Test intolerance by removing for a while. If no intolerance, add in again:

organic or raw dairy

all wheat

other grains

gluten

For 30-45 days, I'm going to have my teen (I'll be joining her) follow The Whole 30, which will remove everything I listed in the first and third lists.  After that, we will add back dairy for a few days, then gluten, then general wheat to see if she has any intolerances to that.

(Click here to read my previous post that explains why we are doing all this.)

For the first few days, we will do a gut cleanse.  This is also a debated issue, but the fact is that 95% of the body's serotonin is found in the bowels. (read more here)  For this reason alone, we are going to do some things to focus on gut health: cleansing diet, drinking Kombucha and adding in small amounts of other fermented foods, and taking a probiotic supplement.

We will add daily vigorous exercise in addition to the food changes.

I must add that we are keeping our teen on her medications. She will also be under the continued care of her doctors. I'm sure we'll have some trial and error, but we feel hopeful to find some healing. 

More at Stake - Treating Mental Illness with Food

I last blogged here over one year ago. When I checked in today, I was tempted to remove that past post where I was motivating myself to get fit in the year I had until my 40th birthday.  That year DID pass and I didn't make any progress in my health.  It's easy to be discouraged when I see my tendency to dream big, then do nothing.

This time, though, I come to this blog with a new reason to "Run Toward Freedom."  After a year in and out of psychiatric hospitals, receiving varying diagnosis, and taking more medication than we like to think about, we are finally looking at changing our family's diet in order to treat not only our child, but the entire family.

Last year, I shared three posts in my other blog about our daughter's depression.  I'm moving that thread over here to keep a record of changes we make and changes we see in our child and ourselves.

To give readers a very short version of where we are now regarding our child's diagnosis and treatment:

• she's had 5 hospitalizations over the past 12 months, all of which she went willingly
• her last stay ended last week
• over the past year, she has been treated for depressive disorder, anxiety, and mood disorder
• she has a new diagnosis of "bipolar, not otherwise specified," but they assume type 2
• if this new diagnosis is correct, it means that her medication over the past year was doing more harm than good
• she tried and quit about 4 or 5 different medications: anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and anti-phychotic
• from a young age, this child has not responded well to and/or responded very negatively to many medications (as evidenced with previous allergy and asthma medication)
• in addition to medical treatment and hospitalizations, she sees 2 therapists weekly, one of whom does EMDR therapy

One more key piece of information: Over the past 12 months, we've felt "stuck" with our psychiatrist due to insurance constraints. This was our first time to ever have a psychiatrist, so we were learning as we went along.  Our teen's doctor was impossible to reach outside of our scheduled appointments. She didn't seem to really listen to what we were needing and even disregarded our teen's therapist, who called and shared some concerns. As of Friday, we've dumped that doctor and have hired a private practice psychiatrist who is giving us some much-needed new hope.  I would encourage any person or parent going through this to do whatever you must to find a psychiatrist who you can feel is on your team, who is reachable, and who is working toward your same goal.

To say we've felt hopeless over the past year is an understatement.  We've felt like the pain of this mental illness will never go away.  We've lived in a state of frequent (sometimes constant) stress of walking on eggshells, wondering when the next episode is going to hit.  Our teen feels so tired of the war going on in her brain, she has often felt like death is the only way out.  It's heart-wrenching for us as her family to witness.  It also wears us down and wears us out at times.

Over the past few weeks, I've talked to a number of friends about what our child is going through. Repeatedly, what keeps getting brought up are these words:
gut health
clean diet
removing toxins
vigorous exercise

One person shared with us his own experience treating his bipolar with diet, another shared her experiences fighting stage IIIC cancer with diet over the past 3 years.  Other friends have shared how drastically changing their diet improved their life in a major way.  I can't ignore the obvious sign. I feel as if God is using these people to make clear a path for us.

We have a lot of reading and research to do for now.  I'll do my best to keep up this blog with the changes we are making and changes we see and don't see. These changes won't be easy, but, more than ever, this isn't just about weight, body image, or being able to run a 10K in under an hour. It's about saving our child's life.

Fabulous by 40

As I was talking myself in to blogging here consistently for my last year in my 30s, I came upon this unpublished post from when I was following the Whole30 Challenge:

"My favorite foods on the Whole 30:

eggs, spinach (cooked just enough to barely wilt), red bell pepper, avocado and salsa

chicken or shrimp curry (choice of meat with coconut milk, curry and other spices, chunks of sweet potato. YUM! My entire family loved this.)

salads - mostly spinach and arugula and cilantro blended - with all kinds of veggies and maybe some apple mixed in.  I add a touch of Bragg's sesame ginger dressing. (It has a little honey and olive oil, but I made the choice to use this dressing anyway. You decide for yourself.)

smoothies - banana, avocado, date paste (I make it with dates and water), cocoa powder, coconut milk and maybe strawberries

lettuce wraps - any meat I like plus veggies, sweet potato chunks, other veggies, salsa and avocado. Good with sesame paste (tahini), too.

chili

soup - sweet potato, butternut squash, coconut milk, and some other good stuff.  Wowza!

raw almonds, cashews, and apples for snacks.

mousse, made with dates, coconut milk and cocoa powder"

This entry reminded me how many good foods I was eating while following this plan. It also made me think about the junk I've been eating while NOT following the Whole30.  So I'm going back to following the Whole9.  So I'll call what I'm doing the "Partial 30."  Heh.

I have a major goal of being happy with my physical self by the time I reach 40.  The months will pass quickly this year, so I know I need to get on it now.  NOW.

When you set a goal, a popular tool to reach that goal is to create an inspiration board.  Here are some of my inspirations:

Click on the photo to see my Pinterest inspiration board.

2005-06 Running an early-morning 5K. Got 3rd in my age group.

Less than 5 years ago. I'd like to be back here.

I choose these older photos of myself because, both times, I was still not totally satisfied with my body.  I still complained about my poochy stomach.  Looking back, I was an idiot.  I was consistently exercising and I ate less of the foods I liked.  My inspiration isn't some chick with tanned skin and washboard abs. My goal is a healthy version of myself, who enjoys walking, running, yoga, and bootcamp-type workouts on a regular, weekly basis.  A healthy version of myself, makes wise choices with my diet, and truly enjoys eating my favorite foods in moderation.

45 1/2 weeks.  318 days that will pass weather I am active or inactive.  Time to get busy!

The Whole30 Challenge - Review

Tomorrow is Day 30 of my Whole 30 Challenge. If you'd like to read about the challenge from the beginning, start here and follow through by clicking "newer posts."

 I'm bullet-pointing my thoughts and conclusions, including why I don't think eating Paleo is THE answer, below:

I lost 10-12 pounds.  I credit that to the fact that I ate WAY less food.
I didn't increase my activity level during these 30 days, so the weight loss was all food-related.
I didn't count or even look at calories, fat content, or anything else other than ingredients.
I ate less food because I wasn't craving food.
I never felt deprived or starved.
Most of the time, I didn't eat until I was physically hungry and could feel my stomach growl.
I'm convinced the reduction in cravings was due to eliminating sugar and processed foods.
I never felt a boost in my energy levels.
The...um...product of my digestion seemed very "off" during these 30 days.  I certainly wasn't seeing Ms. Ideal, and I am not one to have bathroom issues.
I did continue to drink coffee with my favorite CoffeeMate Natural Bliss creamer. I had 2 mugs of coffee or less per day, with about 3 tablespoons of creamer. I tried to make an approved creamer, but it was yuck. I might attempt the recipe again one of these days.
I did enjoy (although I only made this a couple of times during the 30 days) this treat made with dates.
I'm glad I took the challenge.

What does this mean I'll be doing from now on?

I will reduce my meat-eating.  I just can't keep up the amount of meat required for this diet in its most strict form.
I will continue to eat eggs almost daily, fish, chicken and occasional red meats.
I will eat organic, grass-fed, free-range meat sources when I do eat meat.
I will continue to avoid sugar as much as possible. I can feel that removing sugar reduced or even removed my constant cravings.
I will eat some grains my doctor approved: steel-cut oats, brown rice, quinoa, and a very occasional gluten-free, low ingredient bread.  My doctor recommended I keep my grain intake under 4 servings per week.  I will be interested to see how that affects my food cravings.
I will add back small amounts of dairy. (Some organic milk and occasional Greek yogurt, but not cheese.)
High-quality, dark chocolate.  Amen.
I will add some beans/legumes to my diet.
I will continue to add more vegetables and fruits to my diet.
I will not fall for the trap of a "low fat" diet. I know from experience, those don't work.
I will add activity and tough workouts back into my routine.
I will continue to compare what I eat with how I feel, then make adjustments as needed.

The key, I believe, is balance, eating less altogether, eating more whole and natural foods, moving more, and finding what works for YOU.  There will always be the next big study that proves eating one way or the other is best or bad for you. Just read through these two and your head will spin:
Forks Over Knives
Whole9 Start

I also believe that the Bible says:
-Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.-So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Whole30 Challenge! Surviving Halloween

I've accomplished days 14-19 since my last post.  Most of the days have been the same.  I do notice I feel more "awake" throughout the day.  The carb-and-sugar-filled foods, I'm still not craving.  I've been able to find a nice balance of fish, poultry, and a little red meat so that I'm enjoying the meals.

The biggest change is that I'm not constantly wanting to eat or even thinking about food.  I love this!

Halloween was last night.  Our street has a cul-de-sac party, setting up table and bringing a potluck.  I cooked up some chicken tenders (chicken breast dipped in egg white, dredged in a mixture of coconut flour and some spices, then skillet cooked with some clarified butter.)  I ate chicken and some veggies, then kept a Lara Bar in my pocket in case the candy temptation hit.  It really didn't, but later in the evening, when friends were enjoying eating together, I opened up the Lara Bar and enjoyed eating with the group.  It was as much social as anything.

This morning, as I cooked breakfast, I thought about how many Halloweens I've totally overeaten my kids' candy.  (Almond Joy is my favorite.)  I'd continue to eat lots of candy over the next several days. Then, to satiate my guilt, I would eat "real" food, even though I wasn't hungry.  Since I seem to have trouble stopping the candy-eating, this new system of "just don't even start" really worked for me.  I hope that some day, I'll be able to enjoy a couple pieces of Halloween candy and stop there, but I'm just not at a place where I can do that yet.  For now, I can honestly say that I didn't miss eating candy last night (and at the 2 or 3 other Halloween parties we attended).

Happy Halloween!

I've still not started a consistent exercise regimen.  My oldest has found some tough workouts on YouTube she wants me to do with her.  I've put her off for three days now, so today's the day!

Whole30 Challenge 2nd Week

Days 8-13

I'm just about at the halfway mark!  Here's a bullet-point of what's up.

• Although I'm feeling hungry more than in the first week, I'm still only feeling it 2-3 times per day.
• I'm sleeping better.
• Pre-packing meals is a must.  I've been able to wing it with leftovers and tuna, but need to be more purposeful in meal planning for to-go meals.
• Did my first eating out yesterday.  For lunch, I had an "Unwich" from Jimmy Johns.  The family went out for dinner, for the first time in a long time, at Chipotles.  I ordered a salad with chicken, fajita veggies, salsa and yummy guacamole. 
• I need to increase my activity levels.  The first week, I was in pain with my pinched nerve.  That pain has resolved (could be diet, chiropractor, time, pain reliever or any mixture of those things.) I have no excuse to not get out and exercise.  I actually love it, but the getting out is the toughest part.  I do have a couple of workout buddies now, so that will help.
•  I'm drinking much less coffee.  Just one or two cups in the morning, then I don't feel like I need it any more throughout the day.

Heading into the second half, my major goals are:

• plan all meals for the week and prep to-go foods
• get out and walk/jog 20 minutes every day
• practice yoga twice per week

Onward!  For my friends who are also on this journey, how's it going?

Whole30 Challenge - Ending Week 1

Day 6
I wasn't hungry most of the day.  I started my early day with some pumpkin "pancakes."  They are made with pumpkin, eggs, and coconut oil, so basically, they are pumpkin eggs.  But that doesn't sound so great, does it?  They're called pancakes because they are cooked like pancakes.  They were very good.
I spent the morning volunteering for an event, ate a few nuts, then went home, still not hungry, at 1:00. I had some leftover sage chicken and mushrooms.
In the afternoon, our whole family attended a Halloween event.  There were food trucks and candy galore, but I didn't crave any of it.  I still wasn't hungry.
When we got home around 7pm, I wasn't hungry, but made myself eat some salad and tuna.

 What I've decided: If I'm not physically hungry, I'm not going to eat.  My cravings are gone, so I'm going to start listening to my body and eat when I feel physically hungry.  As stated in the program:

The Whole30 takes you out of sugar-burner mode, and transitions you into being fat adapted—efficiently able to utilize fat as energy. This process starts in just five days, but can take weeks to really kick in to the point that you notice the effects. When it does, however, your body will begin to utilize fat as fuel more readily, helping you avoid between-meal cravings, energy slumps, and brain fog. In addition, once you’re fat-adapted, you’ll be able to start whittling away at your fat stores—something you are unable to do when you’re running on nothing but sugar.

• Sugar Burner = Energy roller coaster; “needing” to eat every two hours; cranky when you’re hungry; regular cravings for sweets or caffeine; dysfunctional hormonal response to food.

• Fat Adapted = Even energy all throughout the day; no need to eat between meals; stuck without food — no crankiness or raging hunger; reduced cravings for sweets or caffeine; improved body composition and hormonal response to food.

I'm not hungry because my body has 50 extra pounds of fat stores from which to draw!  Ha!  So, instead of thinking I must eat, I'll just listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry.

Day 7
Woke up at 6:00 am.  Not hungry at all, so decided not to eat.  I worked an early-morning shift.  Finally felt my stomach growling at around 9:00 am, so ate when I got home.  I spent an hour or so chopping, pre-cooking, and prepping food for the next day or two.

As day 7 comes to an end, I have to say I'm still not adoring the meat-eating on this plan, but, hey....isn't that kind of the point?  I don't crave eating.  I'm eating for fuel and it tastes just fine.  I love the veggies, fruits and nuts, but eat meat because I know that's what satiates me.  That'll work!  Anxious to see how the next three weeks go.

Whole30 Challenge Days 3-5

Day 3
Yuck. I felt pretty bad on day 3.  I was sick of meat.  Sick of eggs.  I wasn't craving grains or even sugar, but I was just tired of eating what I was eating.
Day 4
The results of my upset stomach wreaked havoc on me in the morning.  I had major stomach cramps and had the pleasure of running to the bathroom numerous time in the morning.   However, I wasn't craving food at all. When I felt physically hungry, I ate some of the more bland choices of foods. By mid-day, I felt much better.  I had my first chiropractor appointment in the evening, then did my grocery shopping at Trader Joe's.

I borrowed these two books from the library.  Practical Paleo was recommended by my doctor and I know it will give me good ideas for the "I'm sick of ____!" problem.  I just picked up It Starts With Food, the foundation book of The Whole 30, today.   After 5 days following the plan from what I read online and what a friend shared with me, it's nice to be reading the book.  Their approach is very balanced, even though the 30-day challenge is restrictive.  I have to admit, the recipes in It Starts With Food do not look very appetizing to me at this point.  I've not ever been a heavy meat-eater, so it's taking some adjusting.

Advice given by my chiropractor:
- Drink more water.  It's a natural pain reliever.  So, today, I had two glasses of water before my coffee. She also suggested I drink water during each of my 15-second breaks between calls.  That was tougher to do than I thought.  That 15 seconds goes by in a blink.
- Exercise consistently, as opposed to with intensity, for now.  I've been wanting to just jump right back to where I was 3 1/2 years ago, running 3 miles with ease, looking forward to long runs, killing it at boot camp 3 times a week.  But I've put on 45+/- pounds over the past 3 1/2 years.  Yes, you read that correctly.  So the truth is, I will not be jumping right back into the same intensity I had when I had 1/4 less weight and was working out consistently.  So for now, my new goal is to get out and walk 20 minutes every day.  Beyond that, I may walk/run, stay out 45 minutes, do yoga and some weight training, but at least...I will be out walking 20 minutes.   Knowing myself and how I like being athletic, I'll add intensity soon after the habit of getting out is formed.

Day 5
Today was better.  No cramping.  No strong aversions to food.  But I didn't really want to eat much of anything, either.  When I was hungry, I ate eggs and fruit; salad and tuna; chicken and mushrooms and a few bites of a Lara Bar.

Even though I'm not loving it just yet, I already am losing sugar and grain cravings, so I'm going to stick with it.  Here's to day 6!

Whole30 Day 1 & 2

Days 1 and 2 have been completed!  The program outlines that these days will feel fabulous and easy. I can attest to that.

I've mostly been eating arugula, spinach, fish and beef (all organic or wild or grass fed).  For breakfast, I've been eating eggs and veggies, so will soon need to experiment with some recipes for "Paleo" breakfast items that aren't all eggy.   For snacks, I've had raw nuts or fruit.

I'm looking forward to Thursday, which is grocery day.  I have been reading a book recommended to me by Dr. Dicky called the Practical Paleo.  There is a lot of good information in that book and I hope the recipes will give me some variety so that I don't get sick of eating the same few dishes over and over again.  Tonight, Ken bought dates so that I can make a Paleo coffee creamer that has no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, nor dairy.  I am thinking I will either video or photograph the process and share it here on my blog, especially if it's a success.

Now that my back/neck is healing (I'm at about 80%. In fact, right now, I am entering this blog by using speech dictation on my MacBook. It hurts too much to sit down for a long period of time and it's getting late, so I'm lying down and speaking this out rather than typing.), I'll be able to get back out and exercise in the mornings.

Here goes day 3...

30 Day Challenge

Over the weekend, one of my co-workers challenged our team to take on a 30-day challenge, The Whole 30.

When I read the outline of the plan, it's exactly what Dr. Dickey told me to do when I saw him back in May.  So why have I waited so long to make these changes?

Fear.  Fear of:
- giving up grains and sugar
- going it alone
- grieving the loss of the foods I like so much: chips and queso, laceys, tortillas
- failure

Why I'm doing it despite my fears:
- I have support. Thanks, Scott for inviting us to join you and Matt.  Hannah is also wanting to join the challenge.
- The plan is reasonable.  The 30 days are fairly restrictive, but then you can add back in foods you like.  The way I will add in the foods, I'll be able to test to see what foods, if any, are causing problems for me.  This means I won't have to say goodbye to laceys or queso forever.  Like Dr. Dickey had advised, I would just reduce the number of times per week I have certain foods.
- My weight.  I just keep gaining weight.  The extra weight is uncomfortable and will start giving me all kinds of health problems. It hinders my activity level and energy level and simply makes me feel bad about myself.
- The foods I eat affect inflammation.  With my pinched nerve hurting so severely, I figure this is a great time to eliminate foods that could be aggravating it.
- I can do anything for 30 days.

Today is my "Day 0."  The 30 days will end on November 12.  30 days is an attainable, manageable goal for me, but I have a BIG goal:  To be in good physical condition by my 40th birthday. I would like to start my 40th year in good physical shape, so I have exactly one year and two months to work really hard to get to a place, health-wise, where I really want to be.