This is the blog I don't want to announce on my facebook page or twitter account. My other blog is fun. I get to talk about my kids, my passion related to the Deaf Community, educating Deaf kids, or adoption. That blog is full of fun life stories, some rants, and pictures of my family.
This blog, though, feels ugly to me. I'm blogging about my struggle, my sin, my idol, all before I have it all figured out. I don't have my act together. I'm still in the middle of it. I'm not following through. (Notice the number of days that pass between posts.) I'm doing a lot of thinking and no doing.
For years, I've wanted to write this blog, and even started it two years ago, then dropped it because I felt like I should wait until I was completely successful, then I could have something to say about my struggle.
My struggle with my body image, exercising and food are all symptoms of two main sins: laziness and idolatry. These two sins also rear their ugly head through my homeschooling and the management of my home. I have all these great ideas, plans, charts, and schedules, whether it be for working out, running a particular race, diet plan, school schedule, or chore list.
I'm currently reading Children Who Do Too Little by Patricia Sprinkle. In it, she describes several parenting characteristics that serve as road blocks to our ability to teach our kids to do chores. Two of the characteristics screamed, "This is YOU, Sarah!" One, especially struck me: The Abdicator.
Here's an excerpt:
"The Abdicator has thrown in the towel. 'I'm a failure as a parent. I don't do anything consistently, and I'm probably not doing much well.'"
Patricia then compares this to Paul's confession in The Bible in his letter to the Romans (chapter 7). Paul says, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."
Patricia adds, "And so, knowing that they make chore charts but don't help the family live up to them, that they make resolutions to be firm and loving but then get lax or angry, an Abdicator decides, 'I'll never be able to teach my children to do housework or anything else. Why try?'"
Oh, that is SO me! That has been me over the past number of months regarding homeschooling, chores, and general house management. It has been me over the past year (and off and on over the past many years) regarding diet and exercise. I could replace Patricia's words related to parenting with words related to lifestyle:
And so, knowing that I make food plans and workout charts but don't live up to them, that I make resolutions to be consistant in my diet and to get up early to run, I decide that I'll never be able to do this, so why try?
Why try? That's my next post.
